Chinese
说了谎，瞒着其他人，把衣服换成乞丐的服装，去了很多水泉和尸林。大约过了一个半月，转了二十个左右的尸林。在拉章（bla brang，通常指寺院或活佛的住所）里，只有名叫赞丹尼色（zan bstan nyi zer）的人，像揉糌粑、送糌粑一样地侍奉我，没有其他的同伴。像这样，阿克（a khu，藏语中对年长男性的尊称）等所有同伴都不理解，但我谁的话也不听。我那至高无上的上师莲花生大士，虽然平时总是责骂我，但这次却非常高兴地说：“像这样的修行方式，看来也是需要的，真是太稀奇了！”。那时出现的景象和神通等，简直无法想象，怎么能用文字来描述呢？我本想去一百零八个尸林，但因为有了“活佛”这个名号，之后就没能成行。生病的时候，我也能忍受很大的痛苦。做善事的时候，经常晚上不睡觉，身体疲惫，受到很多剧烈疾病的折磨。因为业力的关系，经常患有风湿等疾病，后来身体变得非常虚弱。但直到现在，我仍然经常晚上不睡觉，而且能忍受寒冷、饥饿和口渴。在上师和堪布们当中，伺候我最困难，这是大家都知道的。如果仅仅需要像伺候其他上师那样付出一点辛苦，那我也不是那种需要别人伺候的人。总而言之，在其他人看来，我从小就挥霍寺庙的财物，觉得我很有钱。但实际上，按照佛法所说，我既没有获得广大的道地，也没有按照佛法修行。我却大言不惭地说自己很有钱，这简直就是随顺世俗的虚伪之举。现在那些顶着“大活佛”名号的僧俗大小人物当中，没有比我更穷的人了。我的心可以作证，而且认识我的人也可以作证。最初在嘉绒（rgyal khams，今四川甘孜藏族自治州丹巴县一带）的时候，贵重的财物我从来没有接受过。茶叶、绸缎、布匹等，仅仅是用来交换而已。剩余的一点点东西，都用来供奉拉萨等地的寺庙，以及布施给各地的僧众。后来，当我有了一点点与地位相称的权力时，为了僧人们的体面，
English
I lied and kept it secret from others. I changed my clothes into beggar's clothes and went to many springs and charnel grounds. About one and a half months passed, and I circled around twenty charnel grounds. In the Labrang (bla brang, usually referring to a monastery or the residence of a living Buddha), only a person named Zandan Nyer (zan bstan nyi zer) served me by kneading tsampa and delivering tsampa, and there were no other companions. Like this, Akho (a khu, a respectful term for older men in Tibetan) and all the other companions did not understand, but I did not listen to anyone. My supreme master, Guru Rinpoche, although he usually scolded me, this time he was very happy and said, "It seems that this kind of practice is also necessary, it's really amazing!" The visions and miracles that appeared at that time were unimaginable, how could they be described in words? I originally wanted to go to one hundred and eight charnel grounds, but because of the name "Living Buddha", I was unable to do so afterwards. Even when I was sick, I could endure great pain. When doing virtuous deeds, I often stayed up all night, my body was exhausted, and I was tormented by many severe illnesses. Due to karma, I often suffered from rheumatism and other diseases, and later my body became very weak. But until now, I still often stay up all night, and I can endure cold, hunger, and thirst. Among the masters and khenpos, serving me is the most difficult, which is known to everyone. If it only required a little effort like serving other masters, then I am not the kind of person who needs to be served. In short, in the eyes of others, I have been squandering the monastery's wealth since I was a child, and they think I am very rich. But in reality, according to the Dharma, I have neither attained the vast bhumis nor practiced according to the Dharma. I shamelessly claim that I am very rich, which is simply a hypocritical act of conforming to worldly customs. Among the monks and laypeople, big and small, who now bear the name "Great Living Buddha", there is no one poorer than me. My own mind can testify to this, and those who know me can also testify to it. Initially, in Gyalrong (rgyal khams, the area around present-day Danba County in Garzê Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture, Sichuan), I never accepted valuable possessions. Tea, silk, cloth, etc., were only used for exchange. The little bit that was left over was used to make offerings to the temples in Lhasa and other places, and to give alms to the Sangha in all directions. Later, when I had a little bit of power commensurate with my position, for the sake of the monks' dignity,
Chinese
如果发生争斗，几乎总是只付出而没有得到任何回报。偶尔可能会有一两次交换，但我不记得有任何特别的盈余。即使有衣食和佛法三者的供养，仍然不够，总是需要这个那个。甚至还有人不停地索取。至于需要迎合施主等世俗之人的心意，交换的可能性也很小，基本上都是付出。从过去到现在，僧人和施主的财物都没有沾染我。希望我的财物也不会落入僧人等手中。德高望重的地方首领先后给予的各种大小物品，都完全用于善事，这是大家有目共睹的。一般来说，不轻易接受财物是很困难的，就像许多其他喇嘛那样。那些被偏见和盲目执着所驱使的强烈执着者，更不用说他们自己或他们的一方了，他们会欺骗所有人，尽其所能将生者和死者的所有财产都送到喇嘛或寺院那里，我这里没有那样的僧人和执着的人。大多数喇嘛都是那样想的，并且努力去做，但我从未尝试过那种方法。因此，我没有沾染任何信徒的供养或亡者的供养。可能发生过一些小事，但我尽力做了一些善行。就像阿阇黎嘉玛让嫫的例子一样。一个罪恶深重的人，即使一天吃掉成百上千、成千上万、成千上万、数百万的食物，也不会被任何人责备。但是，当持戒的僧团在中午举行法会时，即使只得到一点点布施，也会有人说：“这是僧人的财产，僧人的财产！”人们说：“人的嘴里有什么粪便？” 这也有些道理。最初，当我还是个孩子的时候，所有的同伴都必须催促我多吃点东西，因为我从小就不贪吃。直到现在，我也只吃一点点食物，也不是一个有很多食物的家庭。我也不喜欢美味的食物，也不是一个对食物有特别偏好的人。衣服也没有穿昂贵的或好的。我似乎也不渴望伟大和名声。知足少欲。
English
If there is a struggle, it is almost always only giving and not receiving any return. There might be one or two exchanges occasionally, but I don't remember any particular surplus. Even with the offerings of food, clothing, and Dharma, it is still not enough, always needing this and that. There are even those who constantly demand. As for needing to cater to the minds of patrons and other worldly people, the possibility of exchange is very small, it is basically all giving. From the past until now, the wealth of monks and patrons has not tainted me. I hope that my wealth will not fall into the hands of monks, etc. All the various large and small items given by the highly respected local leaders, both before and after, have been completely used for virtuous deeds, which is clear for all to see. Generally speaking, not easily accepting wealth is difficult, like many other lamas. Those strong adherents who are driven by bias and blind attachment, let alone themselves or their side, they will deceive everyone, doing everything they can to send all the property of the living and the dead to the lama or monastery there, I don't have that kind of monks and adherents here. Most lamas think that way and strive to do it, but I have never tried that method. Therefore, I have not been tainted by any offerings from devotees or offerings from the deceased. Some small things may have happened, but I have done some virtuous deeds to the best of my ability. It's like the example of Acharya Gyama Rangmo. A sinful person, even if they eat hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions of food in a day, will not be blamed by anyone. But, when the monastic community with vows holds a Dharma assembly at noon, even if they only receive a little bit of offerings, people will say, "This is the property of the monks, the property of the monks!" People say, "What kind of excrement is in people's mouths?" There is some truth to that. Initially, when I was a child, all my companions had to urge me to eat more, because I was not greedy for food from a young age. Until now, I only eat a little bit of food, and I am not from a family with a lot of food. I also don't like delicious food, and I am not someone who has special preferences for food. I also haven't worn expensive or good clothes. I also don't seem to crave greatness and fame. Contentment and few desires.
Chinese
知道满足是不行的。对于贪婪、不知足的人来说，仅仅是不说大话而已。也不是那种吃不得、穿不得的吝啬鬼。把所有的食物衣服都布施给别人，是大家的想法。如杰嘉措所说：“除此之外，没说过大话。”这本身就是大话的例子。说能忍受痛苦，实际上是不能忍受痛苦。自以为知足少欲，这恰恰是贪婪不知足的标志。由此可见，那些说“无论如何，不需要的东西不会出现在脑海里”的人，实际上是已经出现了。那些说“我心平气和，我正在心平气和”的人，很可能是不心平气和的标志。诸如此类的例子数不胜数，总的来说，只是说了自己的情况而已。本来，说“没有被过失玷污”和“具有殊胜的功德”是不可能的。很多人的想法和我的情况不一致，就在于此。有人说：“写传记吧，说说你的情况吧。”我只是说了自己的情况和做法。我怎么会向别人抱怨说：“我努力修行，我没有财产，我修安忍”呢？从有信仰的人的角度来看，我对诸佛、金刚持、普贤菩萨等没有任何期望。从许多邪见者的角度来看，我似乎完全变成了魔女。我认为，从我这个修行者的角度来看，我只是一个在世俗方面具有佛法缘分的人。好的习气有很多可以唤醒的，有些时候会醒来。在一些行善的入口处，也曾因缘而停滞。但大多数情况下，没有受到其他因缘的支配，而是掌握在自己手中。也曾多次进行断食苦修。也曾稍微遵守过清净的戒律。上师们也曾说过：“有时候需要苦修。”有时候又说：“不要苦修，会损害身体。”如果不加以约束，就要努力做到行为端正。如果真的做了僧人，就会变成装模作样，这样也不行。即使是佛，也很难做到言行一致。因为很难同时满足所有人的想法，所以我决心遵从根本上师的教诲。有一次，我稍微在晚上去墓地
English
Knowing contentment is not enough. For those who are greedy and insatiable, it's just not boasting. It's not the kind of miser who can't eat or wear. Giving all food and clothing to others is everyone's idea. As Je Gyaltsa said, "Besides that, I have never boasted." This itself is an example of boasting. Saying you can endure suffering is actually not being able to endure suffering. Thinking you are content and have few desires is precisely a sign of greed and insatiability. From this, it can be seen that those who say, "In any case, unnecessary things will not appear in the mind," have actually appeared. Those who say, "I am calm, I am being calm," are likely a sign of not being calm. There are countless examples of this kind. In general, I am just talking about my own situation. Originally, it is impossible to say "not being defiled by faults" and "having excellent qualities." The disagreement between many people's thoughts and my situation lies in this. Someone said, "Write a biography, talk about your situation." I just talked about my own situation and how I did it. How could I complain to others, "I practice diligently, I have no property, I practice patience"? From the perspective of believers, I have no expectations for Buddhas, Vajradhara, Samantabhadra, etc. From the perspective of many heretics, I seem to have completely turned into a demoness. I think, from the perspective of me, a practitioner, I am just a person who has a Dharma connection in worldly affairs. There are many good habits that can be awakened, and sometimes they will wake up. At some entrances to doing good, I have also been stagnant due to circumstances. But in most cases, I was not dominated by other circumstances, but was in my own hands. I have also done many fasts and ascetic practices. I have also slightly observed pure precepts. The lamas have also said, "Sometimes you need to do ascetic practices." Sometimes they say, "Don't do ascetic practices, it will damage the body." If you don't restrain yourself, you must strive to be upright in your behavior. If you really become a monk, you will become pretentious, and that is not good. Even a Buddha finds it difficult to match words with actions. Because it is difficult to satisfy everyone's thoughts at the same time, I am determined to follow the teachings of the root guru. Once, I slightly went to the cemetery at night
Chinese
故不作广说。现在进入正文。那时身体状况不好，但从宗（རྫོང་）回来那天早上开始，就感到身体舒适，好像恢复了元气。十九日那天上午从宗（རྫོང་）出发，被抬在轿子或慈悲座上前来。解脱寺的僧人们，以及其他证悟的僧侣等很多人，还有集市上的男女老少俗人，在众人的簇拥下，到达了吉祥增上的花园。一切显现如幻觉般，感到愉悦轻松。那天身体状况也很好，所以为了吉祥，为解脱寺的堪布师徒等，讲授了胜者无量寿智的修法引导。那天晚上，嘉木样活佛（འཇམ་མགོན་སྐུ་སྐྱེ་）面前，为我们师徒众人摆设了殊胜的会供轮。他们师徒的供奉物中，也有一幅具有加持力的吉祥大轮唐卡。这幅唐卡和会供轮，也显现出吉祥的征兆，清净了我们自己的过失。回来的路上，慈悲座走得很慢，虽然花了九天左右，但每天都感觉身体和精力越来越好。二十八日，带着盛大的迎接仪式等，到达了常住寺。对于不懂得如何竖立旗帜的人，也说了许多严厉的话，这也不太好。在人山人海中，在叫做“正法金刚座”的地方稍微停留。然后收取了各自的礼物，回来的路上被抬上肩舆，去了哲蚌寺顶上，住进了命名为“三界胜幢”的新房子里。从那时起到藏历十二月的二十九日，一直没有外出，进行着养生保健。善行增上，智慧和心情都感到快乐。这个时候也曾想过，如果去邬金（ཨོ་རྒྱན་，莲花生大师的净土）应该会很舒服，但因为嘎科（ཀ་ཁོ）强烈要求留下，所以放弃了这个想法。十二月初开始，勉强能够站立行走了，所以从初八左右也稍微转了转经。现在说要考虑我的仪轨，说是管家自己和侍者努力的六日