Chinese
在什么都没做的情况下，进行了三次大量的泻药清洗，仅凭那个就痊愈了。我心想，以前的神变也只有那样吗？但好像又不太一样。其他的遣除方法、缘起之类的，完全没做。就是那样，成就者邬金巴·仁钦贝说：“没有因为敌人违誓而遭受损害。”如他所说，一定是出现了违誓的因缘。因缘成熟，出现了教法的猛烈和轻微的违誓。总的来说，我宁愿死也不在乎，即使死了十八次，也喝不完一滴剩饭酒。总之，从九月的二十八九开始，我病得很重，但直到十月的二十一，我还能在第悉（相当于当时的政府长官）那里进行长寿灌顶和遣除障碍等法事。之后，身体的力气衰退，无法进行灌顶等法事。从大腿开始，到脚部骨头肿胀，伴随着剧烈的疼痛，全身布满了水肿的脓疱等，许多旧病同时发作，无法行走坐卧。然而，除了身体的疾病外，心中没有任何痛苦，感到轻松愉快。虽然不想把修法强加于疾病之上，也不想做其他的事情，但所有的同伴都再三劝说，第悉也这样说，所以就去看医生。以前本来就经常进行自性积资，没有做过那种遣除疾病的仪轨。这次，也让以卡孜为首的，具有清净誓言的四众弟子进行了三天的忏悔补阙。除此之外，其他的都不算数。管家瞒着我，自己做了很多仪轨。总的来说，对僧众进行积资是很好的，但是生病了就去看医生，做仪轨等等，今年把觉悟者的本来面目都丢掉了。现在也是一样，没有什么特别的。在生病的过程中，比以往更加生起信心、慈悲等等，这次也是这样。特别的是，这次通过交替观修，粗大的融入方式并不太明显，但地水火风的融入方式比那更清晰一些。
English
Without doing anything, I underwent three large purgative cleansings, and I recovered just from that. I thought, were the previous miracles only like that? But it seems a little different. Other methods of dispelling obstacles, auspicious connections, etc., were not done at all. It was just like that, the accomplished Orgyenpa Rinchen Pal said, "I have not suffered harm from enemies breaking vows." As he said, it must have been that the cause of breaking vows occurred. As the causes and conditions ripened, there was a fierceness of the Dharma and minor breaches of vows. In general, I don't care if I die from being sick, even if I die eighteen times, I can't finish a single drop of leftover rice wine. Anyway, from the twenty-eighth or ninth of September, I became very ill, but until the twenty-first of October, I was able to perform longevity initiations and obstacle removal ceremonies at the Desi's (equivalent to the government official at the time). After that, my physical strength declined, and I was unable to perform initiations and other Dharma activities. Starting from the thighs, the bones of my feet swelled with severe pain, and my whole body was covered with watery blisters, etc. Many old diseases arose at the same time, and I was unable to walk, sit, or lie down. However, apart from the physical illness, there was no suffering in my mind, and I felt relaxed and happy. Although I didn't want to impose Dharma practice on the illness, and I didn't want to do anything else, all my companions repeatedly urged me, and the Desi also said so, so I went to see the doctors. In the past, I always used to do self-nature accumulation of merit, and I didn't do that kind of ritual to dispel illness. This time, I also had a group of four disciples, headed by Ka-zhi, with pure vows, perform three days of repentance and restoration. Apart from that, nothing else counted. The steward secretly performed many rituals on his own without telling me. In general, it is good to accumulate merit for the Sangha, but this year I lost the original face of the realized one by going to the doctor when I was sick, performing rituals, etc. Even now, there is no difference. In all of this sickness, faith, compassion, etc., arose even more than before, and this also happened here. In particular, this time, through alternating contemplation, the gross ways of absorption were not very clear, but the ways of absorption of earth, water, fire, and wind were a little clearer than that.
Chinese
三次显现增益次第都变得非常清晰广大，第四次在乐空的体验中，完全持久地安住。因为生病，身体出现瘙痒的现象，由此导致全身都感到舒适轻松，这样的情况也经常发生。在光明和乐受浓厚的时候，对于生病的感受不适也时远时近。 几乎就像从高墙上向左右观看一样，对两者都有所觉察。一般来说，通过了解风的自性的金刚诵，风心融入中脉而进入光明是续部的观点。但在诀窍中，上师们的观点是，即使是初学者的普通金刚诵，也能执持临终光明。 这样说也确实没错。在这种时候，如果出现呼吸不畅的情况，稍微做一下急促的金刚诵，四种显现的次第就会变得清晰而稳定，这是通过经验证实的。生病和死亡的显现，实际上并不存在，却像梦中的苦乐一样被体验。因此，虽然生病时没有痛苦，死亡时没有恐惧，但由于分别念的习气没有清净，所以在寺庙或空旷的地方死去也没有区别。有时会觉得在宗（城堡）里死去不好。那时，巴拉嘎·贡噶华桑总是打破睡眠，日夜不停地照顾我，其他人无法像他那样让我感到舒适。我自己也很满意。虽然以前经常走动的地方更容易适应，但一切都应该是清净的。他心里想的是，我这次一定不会死，并且希望我的病能立刻好起来，一直这样想着。我心里想，杰·卓乔与荣·努尔梅的觉姆相见，就能消除一切障碍。现在利玛拉康就在这里，如果迎请她来祈祷，会有帮助吗？这时，觉姆的一幅唐卡，似乎变成了一个十岁左右的少女的形象，和真人的身形和姿态一样。她说，那没有帮助，反而会有害。因为恶业的力量太大，实际上没有帮助的可能性很大，反而会有害。
English
The three stages of appearance, increase, and attainment became very clear and vast. The fourth, in the experience of bliss and emptiness, remained completely and persistently. Because of illness, the body experienced itching, which led to a feeling of comfort and ease throughout the body, and this happened often. During times of intense luminosity and bliss, the sensation of illness was sometimes distant and sometimes near. It was almost like looking left and right from the top of a high wall, being aware of both. In general, the tantric view is that by understanding the nature of wind, the wind-mind dissolves into the central channel and enters luminosity through Vajra recitation. However, in the instructions, the view of the previous lamas is that even ordinary Vajra recitation by beginners can grasp the luminosity of death. This is indeed true. At such times, if there is difficulty in breathing, even doing a short, rapid Vajra recitation helps to clarify and stabilize the four stages of appearance, as proven by experience. The appearances of illness and death, although not real in essence, are experienced like the pleasures and pains of a dream. Therefore, although there is no suffering in illness and no fear in death, because the habitual tendencies of conceptual thought have not been purified, it makes no difference whether one dies in a monastery or in an empty place. Sometimes, it felt that it was not good to die in a Dzong (fortress). At that time, Bala Kunga Palzang always broke his sleep and took care of me day and night, and no one else could make me feel as comfortable as he did. I myself was very satisfied. Although places where I used to walk often might be easier to adapt to, everything should be pure. He thought that I would definitely not die this time, and he hoped that my illness would get better immediately, and he kept thinking that way. I thought to myself that meeting Jey Drolchok with the Rong Nurme nun would eliminate all obstacles. Now that Limalakhang is here, would it be helpful to invite her and pray? At that moment, a thangka of the nun seemed to transform into the form of a young girl of about ten years old, with the same form and posture as the real person. She said that it would not help, but would be harmful. Because the power of negative karma is too strong, there is a high probability that it will not help, but will be harmful.
Chinese
稍微一想，是因为我们不高兴的缘故。说是我发怒的缘故。上面如果对你连菩提行都没有生起，善妙行又从何而来呢，也清楚地出现了这样的斥责。之后每天晚上都迎请穿绛红色僧衣的圣母做供养。对所有违背菩萨学处的地方都作了忏悔。尽力做了供养、祈祷和念诵。强烈的悲伤自然而生。还有叫中国寺庙的那个地方，每天早上都供奉祭品，吹奏汉地的唢呐。这个时候忘记了具体的日期。大概是十一月初的时候。有一天早上，在听到吹奏唢呐的声音时，不是做梦。在觉受中，一座山的山顶上有一个城堡。在那城堡的顶端有我们。山脚下，像中国工艺丝绸上画的狮子和龙之类的，颜色像绿松石一样的东西，把唢呐的声音变成了它的叫声一样，像是在用引诱我的高兴悦耳的方式呼唤着我。以前今年年初梦到的那个彩色女人，立刻不知从哪里冒出来，做了一个拍打的手势，以及像驱赶狗一样的声音。就在那一瞬间，那个生物吓坏了，远远地向东方逃跑了。翻过一座山就消失了。我认为那是像罗刹女一样的加持。所有本尊的心意都是一个智慧，虽然没有喜欢和不喜欢的分别念，但为了清净修行者的业障，也会示现出不喜欢的样子。从有缺点的说法之处引出的慈悲就是那样。和这相似的是，我最初住在桑顶寺的时候，和老师普尔纳瓦扎谈话学习时，谈到了虚空藏菩萨忏悔的后续。因为有那个，所以现在说需要修虚空藏菩萨。在那之后，也按照世尊圣者虚空藏菩萨百名经的仪轨做了一个修法。如经中所说，连续七个晚上在黎明时分向晨星祈祷。
English
When I thought about it a little, it was because we were unhappy. It was said to be because I was angry. If even the Bodhisattva conduct has not arisen in you from above, how can the excellent conduct come about? Such a rebuke also appeared clearly. After that, every night, I invited the red-robed noble mother to make offerings. I confessed all violations of the Bodhisattva's precepts. I did as much offering, prayer, and recitation as I could. Intense sorrow arose spontaneously. Also, at the place called the Chinese temple, every morning they offered sacrifices and played a Chinese suona. At this time, I forgot the exact date. It was probably in early November. One morning, while hearing the sound of the suona being played, it was not a dream. In the perception, there was a castle on top of a mountain. At the very top of that castle were we. At the foot of the mountain, like the lions and dragons painted on Chinese silk, something turquoise in color, turned the sound of the suona into its cry, as if calling me in a happy and pleasant way to seduce me. The colorful woman I dreamed of earlier this year suddenly appeared out of nowhere and made a gesture of clapping her hands and a sound like chasing away a dog. In that instant, the creature was frightened and fled far to the east. It crossed a mountain and disappeared. I think that was a blessing like that of a Rakshasi. The minds of all the yidams are one wisdom, and although they do not have the discrimination of liking and disliking, they also show an appearance of disliking in order to purify the karmic obscurations of the practitioner. The compassion that draws out from the flawed place of speaking is like that. Similar to this, when I first stayed at Samding Monastery, when I was talking and learning with the teacher Purnavajra, we talked about the continuation of the confession of Kshitigarbha. Because of that, it is now said that it is necessary to practice Kshitigarbha. After that, I also did a practice according to the ritual of the Bhagavan Arya Kshitigarbha Hundred Names Sutra. As it says in the sutra, for seven consecutive nights, I prayed to the morning star at dawn.
Chinese
还有些人也说，三位（上师）的行为也与此相似，还称他们为“当额定额”，但这些话我都没有放在心上。即使在辩论的时候，因为住在我们僧团的人都很了解我，所以他们似乎并没有特别在意。而那些与我意见不合的人，则表现得像凶猛的野兽一样，并且急躁地认为我无法忍受辩论。总的来说，我从小时候起，就有了“是上一世喇嘛的转世”这样的名声。其他人认为，像我这样出身于大喇嘛家族的转世者，主要都是在享受安逸的生活。他们也这样看待我，认为我是一个吃饱了就睡觉的懒惰之人，觉得我无法忍受艰辛。但我从小就没有过过安逸的生活，而是承担了巨大的负担。除了上一世喇嘛的名声比较大之外，我没有任何实际的地位。既没有勤奋的侍者，也没有很多仆人。僧团的施主们也没有对我特别慷慨。后来，虽然我对寺庙生活有些向往，但在二十三岁之前，除了去施主家化缘之外，我一直住在自己的寺庙里，专心致志地修行和学习。我每天只喝两三杯茶，除此之外，我也没有像搬运大山一样地辛勤劳作。更不用说对食物和饮料有什么过高的期望了。在修行的时候，除了午夜稍微休息一下之外，为了防止晚上睡觉，我都会到屋顶或外面去修行。在学习的时候，我也会在晚上抄写经书。冬天，我也会在晚上到外面去；夏天，我也必须忍受白天的酷热。每天早上背诵经文的时候，我总是会系紧腰带，穿好衣服，然后到外面去背诵，从来没有在床上懒散地背诵过。虽然喇嘛和老师们都对我很好，但为了纠正我的缺点，并让我认真地修行，他们总是会训斥我，有时甚至会打我。但我不仅能够忍受这一切，而且还非常感激他们，并且从那时起就意识到他们对我的恩情。在龙年（某年），我在桑丁（地名）闭关的时候……
English
There were also some who said that the three (teachers)' behaviors were similar to this, and even called them "Dang Nge Ding Nge," but I didn't pay attention to those words. Even during debates, because those who lived in our Sangha knew me well, they didn't seem to pay much attention. But those who disagreed with me acted like fierce beasts and were impatient, thinking that I couldn't endure the debates. In general, from the time I was little, I had the reputation of being the reincarnation of the previous Lama. Others thought that reincarnations like me, who came from the families of great Lamas, mainly enjoyed comfortable lives. They also looked at me that way, thinking I was a lazy person who ate and slept, and that I couldn't endure hardship. But I never had a comfortable life since I was young, but rather bore a great burden. Apart from the great name of the previous Lama, I had no real status. There were neither diligent attendants nor many servants. The patrons of the Sangha were not particularly generous to me either. Later, although I had some longing for monastic life, before the age of twenty-three, except for going to patrons' homes for alms, I stayed in my own monastery, focusing on practice and study. I only drank two or three cups of tea each day, and apart from that, I didn't work hard like carrying mountains. Not to mention having high expectations for food and drink. When practicing, except for a slight rest at midnight, in order to prevent sleeping at night, I would go to the roof or outside to practice. When studying, I would also copy scriptures at night. In winter, I would also go outside at night; in summer, I also had to endure the heat of the day. When reciting scriptures every morning, I would always tighten my belt, put on my clothes, and then go outside to recite, never reciting lazily in bed. Although the Lamas and teachers were very kind to me, in order to correct my faults and make me practice diligently, they would always scold me, and sometimes even hit me. But I was not only able to endure all this, but also very grateful to them, and from that time on I realized their kindness to me. In the Dragon Year (year), when I was in retreat in Samding (place name)...