English
It wouldn't work even if I went against their wishes. Actually, even if I went there, I wouldn't be serving others. I just thought that if I could serve the remains, that would be good, so I went to them. I, myself, don't have the wisdom or material things to offer. If coming here would allow me to serve the remains, please keep it in mind, I requested. Then, Lama Rinpoche Gu Ruwa, Lama Rinpoche Tsepön and his student, Akuk Tönpa of Zulphu, and Tönpa Drakdor, and in short, all the important people from upper and lower regions said they would provide service. When they were not in agreement, Akuk Tönpa blurted out, "Now, disagreeing over this kind of thing won't work either. No matter who provides the service, it's just a blessing, it's not something delicious to eat. So, whoever sees the reasonableness of this, he himself is fit to be an official, so let him do it." After saying that, my body and mind also found a happiness like gaining the first ground. Their disagreement became my help, and I was allowed to serve the remains. Therefore, even though I had no friends, I have been happy until now. Then, during the time of preparing for the funeral of Dharma Lord Rinpoche, and the various parties preparing tea and food, my old father suffered from severe pain for a long time, and eventually passed away without any help. I performed virtuous deeds in his place, such as offerings, trying my best not to embarrass people. From the depths of my heart, I developed renunciation, sadness, and impermanence, and my attachment to this life diminished. During that time, to build the inner shrine and temple of Dharma Lord Rinpoche, I wholeheartedly devoted my body, speech, and mind, striving to provide service, and as a result, many signs of purification of sins also appeared. My body and mind also experienced a subtle feeling of aversion to the appearances of this life. The inner shrine and temple were completed without obstacles. At that time, my old mother was also afflicted with a severe lung disease. For about six months, she was a thin and weak patient. After that, for seven months, she was bedridden, unable to move, and could not eat anything except for an occasional sip of broth mixed with flour.
Chinese
乙、再者，因为他不会喝，我便用长长的管子，插在那里给他喝，他才稍微会喝了一点。那时，我既没有兄弟姐妹，也没有姑姑姊妹，孤身一人，日夜都在身语上行男女交合之事，虽然很频繁，但心里却想着能像你一样。身体上没有疾病。因为自然而然地做了这些事就足够了，而你却遭受这样的痛苦，实在不忍心。总的来说，这位老母亲的肚子里，九个月，甚至十个月的时间里，承受了无数的苦行。出生后，还用鼻子擦鼻涕，用手擦屎尿等等。她是养育我的恩人啊，现在想到你竟然有如此难以忍受的痛苦和疲惫，因此，对一切众生生起了慈爱和伟大的悲悯，所以老母亲是多么的恩重如山啊。之后，老母亲去世后，我做了后面的事情。由于铁也用完了，磨也磨完了，所以连火葬也做不了。把遗体抬到墓地的时候，出现了特别的征兆。把喇嘛多桑放在那里，说：如果来了狗，就守着。吃完后，拿一块骨头来。说是要放到擦擦里，他拿来了一块头盖骨。到了月供的时候，那时喇嘛热巴在那里，为了制作擦擦，他烧了那个头盖骨，头盖骨烧焦了，拿给我看，说：这个放到擦擦里不太好，出现了金刚亥母的像。一看，出现了一个非常奇妙的亥母像，做了擦擦，但胫骨没有放在里面。法王仁波切去世了。父母都去世了，强行转移注意力，也发生了一些争吵。大家又说了些安慰的话等等，也发生了一些冲突，算是消除了悲伤吧。或者，为了父母的善行，拿了一两黄金的酥油，去拉萨朝拜觉卧仁波切。在拉萨小昭寺的四部殿，有一尊香仁波切的塑像，我就在那里睡觉，晚上祈祷。白天向觉卧释迦牟尼佛父子祈祷。酥油
English
B. Furthermore, because he didn't know how to drink, I used a long tube, inserted it there and gave it to him, so he barely knew how to drink a little. At that time, I had no siblings, no aunts or sisters, I was all alone, so day and night I engaged in sexual practices in body and speech, although it was very frequent, but in my mind I was thinking of becoming like you. There was no sickness in the body. Because doing these things naturally was enough, but you are suffering such pain, it is unbearable. In general, in this old mother's belly, for nine months, even ten months, she endured countless ascetic practices. After being born, she also wiped my snot with her nose, wiped my excrement with her hands, and so on. She is the kind benefactor who raised me, but now thinking that you have such unbearable pain and fatigue, therefore, love and great compassion arose for all sentient beings, so the old mother is so kind and heavy like a mountain. Afterwards, after the old mother passed away, I did the subsequent things. Because the iron was used up and the grinding was finished, even cremation could not be done. When the corpse was carried to the cemetery, special omens appeared. Lama Dorsem was left there, and said: If a dog comes, guard it. After it's eaten, bring a piece of bone. Saying that it would be put in a tsa-tsa, he brought a piece of skull. When the time for the monthly offering came, Lama Repa was there at that time. In order to make tsa-tsas, he burned that skull, the skull was charred, and he showed it to me, saying: It's not good to put this in the tsa-tsa, an image of Vajravarahi has appeared. Looking at it, a very wonderful image of Varahi appeared, tsa-tsas were made, but the shin bone was not put inside. Dharma Lord Rinpoche passed away. Both father and mother passed away, and forcibly shifting the focus also caused some quarrels. Everyone also said some words of comfort, etc., and some conflicts also occurred, which can be considered to have dispelled the grief. Or, for the sake of the merits of the parents, I took one or two of gold worth of butter, and went to Lhasa to visit Jowo Rinpoche. In the Four Departments Hall of Lhasa Ramoche Temple, there is a statue of Zhang Rinpoche, I slept there, praying at night. During the day, I prayed to Jowo Shakyamuni Buddha and his son. Butter
Chinese
献火。做绕行时，一夜的梦中，主尊不动金刚的右手的指头被吸吮，如牛奶般的甘露源源不断涌出，身心舒适，生起心离执着的殊胜体验，醒来时，长久地没有离开那种体验。这可能是加持。无需太费力就能从喇嘛善知识处听闻甚深之法。之后到达桑耶寺，心想无意义的念头会生起，正打算不去秋收的化缘时，一位朋友说，去化缘好，去了岩石以上桑耶寺以下的地方，找到大约五稞青稞。用它来维持生活后，现在即使执着于家乡也没有必要了，心想必须去不熟悉的地方，当踏上翻山越岭的道路时，朋友们说，没有同伴不要去，留下来好，最初从母亲那里来的时候，也是没有同伴和衣服来的。现在到了死亡的时候，也是独自一人没有同伴和衣服而去，同伴有什么用呢？背着一个布制的牛角走了，在门口遇到了东门施主居士的弟弟，名叫顿约桑波，他背着一个大面口袋走来。做了非常好的缘起，去了沃堆方向，到达峡谷时，心想必须去拜见喇嘛邬金巴，但听说喇嘛邬金巴去了止贡，不在那里。因此没有去邬金那里，心想去法主班禅大师那里，当爬上一座山时，从上面的方向下来一个抱着生病的孩子的人，心想必须观察一下缘起，当看的时候，那个生病的孩子的小便也充满了金色的尿布，问你叫什么名字，他说叫古汝嘉布，心想缘起好，向上攀登到达那里时，也看到了寺庙。在那里生起了非同寻常的虔诚心，向上走的时候，我们自己的朋友策塘巴，先到达的人认出了我。
English
Offered fire. While circumambulating, in a dream one night, the right hand finger of Lord Akshobhya was sucked, and a stream of nectar like milk flowed continuously. Body and mind were comfortable, and a special experience of being free from grasping arose. Even when waking up, that experience remained for a long time. It seems like it was a blessing. It was not necessary to put in great effort to hear the profound Dharma from the Lama virtuous friends. Then, arriving at Samye, I thought that meaningless thoughts would arise, and I was about to not go for alms during the harvest season. A friend said, "It is better to go for alms." Going to the area above the rock and below Samye, I found about five khals of barley. After using it to sustain life, there was no need to be attached to my homeland. Thinking that I had to go to an unfamiliar place, when I embarked on the path of crossing the mountains, my friends said, "It is better to stay without a companion." When I first came from my mother, I came without companions or clothes. Now, at the time of death, I will also go alone without companions or clothes. What is the use of companions?" Carrying a cloth bull horn, I went, and at the gate, I met Donnyo Sangpo, the younger brother of the eastern gate benefactor, a layperson, who was coming with a large flour sack. We made very good auspicious connections, went towards Wöde, and when we arrived at the gorge, I thought I had to go to see Lama Orgyenpa, but I heard that Lama Orgyenpa had gone to Drigung and was not there. Therefore, I did not go to Orgyen, thinking of going to Dharma Lord Panchen. When climbing a mountain, a person carrying a sick child came down from above. Thinking that I had to check the auspicious connection, when I looked, the sick child's urine had filled a golden diaper. I asked, "What is your name?" He said, "It is Guru Kyab." Thinking that the auspicious connection was good, I climbed up and arrived there, and I also saw the monastery. An extraordinary devotion arose there, and when I went up, my own friend Tsetangpa, who had arrived earlier, recognized me.
Chinese
萨。听说有个叫“法性自解脱”的人被派来迎接我，心想这是个好兆头，心里感到非常高兴。朋友们也都没能见到法王，我一到，就一起去喝茶时拜见法王，法王非常高兴。赐予了我所需要的法等等，特别是赐予了我金刚亥母智慧光明的加持和随许。之后去了邬金。拜见了邬金仁波切上师，他非常高兴。那时，上下的僧人都去化缘和办事了，寺庙显得很冷清，我想应该做一次闭关。于是做了三个月的金刚亥母本尊闭关，在梦中稍微出现了一些蒙受加持的征兆。闭关结束后，仁波切邬金巴说冬天要讲授大圆满心髓的教法，说这次你在这里，必须毫无保留地传授。于是毫无保留地圆满传授了教法。之后又赐予了上部灌顶，以及包括扬提在内的后法。还有圆满仪轨的传承和事业仪轨的传承。总之，大圆满的所有部分，包括随许和加持，都慈悲地赐予了我。还赐予了我那若巴六法、热琼巴的八大教授、甚深五具教法，以及法王觉巴吉天颂恭的诞辰法等等。法王竹巴的五种身像和中观的词句等等，也赐予了很多中观的传承。五个月里，我修习了水银丸的精炼法，由于精炼法修习得很好，身体没有疾病，心也从能取所取的分别念中解脱出来。总的来说，以前我都在虚度人生，从今以后，要把今生的事情像鼻涕一样丢掉，专心致志地为来世做准备，独自住在僻静的地方，舍弃贪图名利、贪图声誉、经商种田等利益，总之，要舍弃一切与佛法不相符的事情，放下今生，不再参与大众的事务，不再为他人着想出谋划策，总之，要下定决心，把世间的事情看得像死人一样，现在要回故乡了。
English
Sa. I heard that someone called "Dharmata Self-Liberation" had been sent to welcome me, and I thought it was a good omen, and I felt very happy. None of my friends had met the Dharma Lord yet. As soon as I arrived, we went to see the Dharma Lord during tea time, and the Dharma Lord was very pleased. He bestowed upon me whatever Dharma I needed, and especially the blessings and permission of Vajravarahi, the Illuminator of Wisdom. After that, I went to Orgyen. I met the precious Lama Orgyenpa, and he was very pleased. At that time, all the monks from upper and lower regions had gone for alms and errands, and the monastery seemed deserted, so I thought I should do a retreat. So I did a three-month retreat on the deity Vajravarahi, and in my dreams, there were some signs of being blessed. After the retreat, the precious Orgyenpa said that he would teach the instructions of the Great Perfection Heart Essence in the winter, and said that since you are here this time, he must give it without any reservations. So he completely and fully bestowed the teachings without any remainder. After that, he also bestowed the upper empowerments, as well as the subsequent teachings including Yangtik. Also the transmission of the fulfillment ritual and the transmission of the activity manual. In short, all parts of the Great Perfection, including the permission and blessings, were bestowed upon me with compassion. He also bestowed upon me the Six Dharmas of glorious Naropa, the Eight Great Instructions of Godtsangpa, the Profound Fivefold Teachings, and also the birth Dharma of Dharma Lord Jigten Sumgon, and so on. The five embodiments of Dharma Lord Drukpa and the words of Madhyamaka, etc., were also bestowed upon me with many Madhyamaka transmissions. For five months, I practiced the elixir of mercury pills. Because I practiced the elixir well, my body was free from illness, and my mind was free from the thoughts of grasping and clinging. In general, I had been wasting my life before. From now on, I will throw away the affairs of this life like snot, and devote myself to preparing for the next life, living alone in seclusion, abandoning the desire for greatness, the desire for fame, business, farming, and other benefits. In short, I will abandon everything that is not in accordance with the Dharma, give up this life, no longer participate in the affairs of the masses, no longer think of advising others, in short, I will make a firm determination to regard the affairs of this world as if they were dead, and now I am returning to my homeland.